Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Jake in Jasper

Well my wife took the little girl to run errands Saturday,

And left me and Will by ourselves to stay

And after five straight hours of X-box we were ready to scream.

So I called up this church goin' buddy of mine

And said, "Rhett, we ain't havin' a real good time."

He said, "Why don't we take the kids to the wrasslin' matches and let off a little steam?"

Now I'd never been to Jasper before

And by the time we reached that arena door,

The crowd was already backed up plumb out into the street.

Yeah, people were pushin' and shovin' like cattle,

Just gettin' in line was a heck of a battle,

We had to fight like the devil, but we finally got ring-side seats.

Well, we bought a program as we passed through the door,

Went to section D, seats 1 through 4

And about that time, the announcer stepped into the ring.

He said, "Tonight's the greatest card ever been signed,

We got a tag-team match that'll blow yer mind!"

Then they lowered the lights and the crowd began to scream.

He introduced "Mr. Jasper" from right there in town,

And "Action" Mike Jackson, who never lets 'em down.

They were takin' on a team that never had been beat.

Then the ref checked 'em over and they introduced Jake,

And somebody hollered, "That wrassler's gotta snake!!"

Then some old lady with blue hair fell right out of her seat.

Well they rang the bell and all Hell broke loose,

My legs was shakin' like a rubber goose

I'd never seen anything like this, not even in the war!

The Asasin put the Cowboy in an airplane spin

Then he body slammed him, and then he did it again

I swear I didn't see how that 'ol boy could take much more.

It was right about then in the thick of things

That my buddy Rhett threw a chair in the ring

And I knew we'd better be headin' for the door.

'Cause I saw how Jake was a lookin' at us

And he was rubbin' his head and he's startin' to cuss

And I knew if he caught us he'd break Rhett's neck for sure.

Well, where we parked wasn't too far

And Rhett and the kids ran so fast they beat me to the car,

Locked the doors and wasn't about to let anyone in.

And I turned around and the Snake was right there

And he said, "Hey punk, you forgot your chair!"

And by the look in his eyes, I knew that this was the end.

Then he body slammed me two or three times

And he put his arms around me from behind

Then he pile-drived me right there in the hard concrete.

Broke both my arms and three of my ribs

It's the closest I've ever come to being killed

And that's the last thing I remember 'fore he put me to sleep

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